i guess all parties involved now knows what's been going on. the backstabber's apparently going to embark on another stage of his life that should hopefully mean happily ever after. and yeah, i'm still going to wish him all the best in his life. and yeah, at the moment i'm saying it with anger and hurt in my heart but never doubt that it is with sincerity.

and me? i felt as if i've been spit on, stabbed, slapped, trampled on, betrayed, worthless. strong emotions all of those. all felt simultaneously, at once. by one guy. a guy who's got an honest-to-God serious job but talks like a little kid. shit! made a promise to myself not to talk bad about him anymore. guess i'm still abit angry.

anyway, i guess i should thank him for speaking like that to me. definitely made me re-think about what i want to do with my life, what i have been doing to myself, what i should be doing, how i should proceed. so i guess i owe him.

enough about him. now i'm about to learn the intricate art of multitasking. i'm going to concentrate on my studies and the loyal friends that i have around me, while waiting for somebody to make his choice.

in all honesty, i try not to put much hope in the guy. after all to go after me means leaving his friends, his life-long friends and i can't do that. what does he know of me anyway? after all, i myself told him that i do not expect anything from him, that i don't believe much in commitment. i guess my friends were right when they say that once you fell for someone, it is hard to take back that feeling. it does not matter that we know the guy is all wrong for us.

what's bad about that guy? hmmm... i know he can lie easily while looking at me straight in the eyes. i know he's not the one who cares much about answering sms-es, it can go for days before he reply my messages. and i also know he talked about me behind my back.

so.. what was it that attracts me to him? in all honesty, i'd say not much. he's not as cute as most of the cute guys that i do like. he's tall yeah, but he's got a beer-belly that he just can't lose. what else? i dunno... i mean, whenever i'm around him i just can't seem to think sensibly and looking at his goofy smile enlightened my heart.

nevermind... this feeling will pass. i hope.